Day 8: Prayer and The Word

My goodness. If I were to keep things real on this blog, I would have to admit to you that this 'Being thankful every day in the month of November' is a serious stretch for me right now. I have never posted this often. Honestly, with the way I'm feeling right now, what I have really wanted to do is shut the entire thing down. This blog is another thing my friend loved for me to do and let me know real quick if I hadn't posted in a few days.

It's just hard.

Everything is hard.

Including going to church today. I have to be honest and tell you I do NOT want to go. I do NOT want to see anyone and I do NOT want to talk to anyone.

That sounds incredibly selfish and maybe even immature, but my nature is to shut the world out when I hurt.

I want so much to be able to hold it together and I fear I'm not going to be able to do that.

So, this morning I'm clinging to verses I have hidden in my heart and praying God carries me today ...

My grace is sufficient for thee:

for my strength is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

When thou passest through the waters,

I will be with thee; and through the rivers,

they shall not overflow thee:

when thou walkest through the fire,

thou shalt not be burned;

neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.

Isaiah 43:2

Also, please know how very thankful I am to all of you who have sent me emails/comments praying for me. Each word has been so uplifting and like healing balm to my broken heart. When I can't seem to pick up my bible, I read an email that reads like someone is praying God's Word all over me and I feel lighter. I am amazed at the body of Christ and how He uses those who don't even know me personally to lift my name to Him. I will never be able to express what that means to me.

Day 7: Running Partner

I got up this morning bright and early to go running. As I was getting dressed I heard, "Wait! I'm going with you, Mama!"

Look! It's my favorite 7 year old!

She did great, too. When she would get tired she would say, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". So cute.

The conversation was sweet and something God knew I would need today to get me through.

As we were walking out of the driveway, E asked, "What do you think about when you're running alone, Mama?"

I said, "Well, I usually talk to God. See that mountain?

I start by walking, looking at that mountain and saying 'I lift my eyes unto the hills from where my help comes from. My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.' Then, I just talk to him about my day".

She said, "You know what I think when I look at that mountain out of my bedroom window?"

"No, what?"

"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

I adore this little girl!

Day 6: Letters, Notes and Pictures

I'm walking through this trial asking God to help me see His purpose. I may have trouble opening up my Bible or praying this week, but deep down I know God understands.

I believe Wednesday was one of the most difficult days I've ever experienced. I cannot think of another time in my life that I have felt so overwhelmingly sad. As I 'halfway' listened to my Pastor talk about Pam and the wonderful life she led, I couldn't raise my head. I kept looking down focusing on the circles in the fabric of my Mom's purse. At times, I thought I may stop breathing from crying.

What is odd is I just taught a Sunday School lesson two weeks ago and gave an illustration of when you're close to a trial or situation, it's so hard to see the bigger picture. I took a picture and held in front of a girl's nose and asked her what the picture was. She, ofcourse, couldn't tell me. It was too close. But, when I pulled it away and she could focus in on it, she could see the picture and describe it.

I have thought of that illustration several times this week. Right now, I'm too close to the trial and I cannot for the life of me see the bigger picture. I have no idea what God has in store and I know until I'm further away from it I won't be able to put it into focus. I'm not sure I'll ever understand, but I know right now I'm too close to the hurt.

God has been so sweet to remind me of letters, notes, scribbles on paper and pictures Pam left me. She was always encouraging me through cards and letters and scripture. Just this past May, as I stood to teach five different lessons at our youth girls retreat (a retreat Pam insisted I do!), I would have an envelope waiting on the podium for me. Each one included a letter from Eric and a letter from her .... telling me how proud she was of me and always ... ALWAYS scripture to encourage me.

I saw those letters Monday night and knew I would treasure them forever. Then, I found this post on her blog I had no idea she had ever written.

I have this picture hanging in my kitchen.

It reminds me of one of the sweetest birthday gifts I've ever received (click link to read) and it reminds me to focus on Jesus.

What I'm learning already through this is how important the written word is. We are a society of text messages and quick emails, but to have a sticky-note of scribbled words from my friend will be forever cherished. I'm thankful she was faithful to do that for me. May I do the same for someone else.

Day 5: My Husband

I am thankful for my husband, Eric.

God blessed me in a unique and abundant way when He gave me my husband. He makes me laugh, he comforts me when I'm hurting and he edifies me at all times. He is the best person I know.

Day 4

I would be lying if I said I hadn't questioned God over the past few days. I know I'll never understand His ways and what He chooses to do isn't at all what I would do. Then, I remember He has even included that in His Word for when I would question His will and His motive.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways,

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

The truth is I've had a hard time praying. And, right now I NEED to be praying. I NEED to be praying for so many friends around me who are hurting. I NEED to be praying for my little girl who is STILL having so much stomach pain and discomfort she is out of school again today. Last night as I rocked her and the house was quiet I thought, "Okay, Lord. Let's talk." But, I just couldn't do it. Immediately, I thought about Romans 8:26...

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses.

For we do not know what we should pray

for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself

makes intercession for us with groanings

which cannot be uttered.

...and I knew He understood. All I could say was I loved Him and I was trying my best to trust Him.

I went running this morning. I was tired and ill and aggravated. I ran longer than I ever have, but it was hard. I thought I would run in silence but decided that wouldn't work. No silence. I don't want to pray.

So, I listened to this song. About 30 times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Myxg69UpMOA

I'm trying to get there. I'm trying to believe. I wish my friend was here so I could ask her if it's all real and as soon as I think the thought, I know the answer. She is in the very place she lived her entire life for. I agree with you, Lisa. I believe she would tell me YES!!

God is still God. He is still on His throne. So, today I am thankful for His grace, His mercy and His comfort through His word.

Day 3: My friend

Well, I didn't know yesterday when I was posting about being thankful what an hour would bring! I wrote about purposing in my heart to look for the good every day this month.

Today will be more difficult than I thought, but I will do it!

Today I am thankful for my friend, Pam. I need to write a post to do our friendship justice, and I will. But, today I'm sad because yesterday she passed away unexpectedly.

I miss her.

I'm sad.

But, I'm thankful for the time I had with her. She is the friend that made me fall head over heels in love with God's Word. She is the one that challenged me and talked to me for endless hours about Scripture. She pushed me, she loved me well and she was an amazing encourager to me.

I am heartbroken.

But thankful.

Pam's favorite verses ....

Thou art my hiding place;

thou shalt preserve me from trouble;

thou shalt compass me about

with songs of deliverance. Selah.

Psalm 32:7

Thou art my hiding place

and my shield:

I hope in thy word.

Psalm 119:114

I miss you, sweet Pam!

A Month of Thankfulness

It's the month to be thankful (one of my favorites). After the girls went to bed last night, I dug out my Thanksgiving plate and displayed it in the kitchen.

This is one of my favorite months and with all the busyness going on in our home, I know I'll have to be purposeful to see the beauty in the midst of the mundane.

Tonight we'll start our paper chain and hopefully add to it all month. I love to watch it grow and so do my children. I'm going to do the same on this blog ... a short post of what I'm thankful for on that particular day. These will be more for me, I guess, as I ask God to turn my heart towards that which is good .... focusing on how truly blessed we are!

Today I'm choosing two things since I didn't start on the 1st yesterday (off to a great start, right?)

I'm thankful for my bible study group! (I would post a picture of the group here, but I fear they would kill me). I truly love these ladies and enjoy the time we are together.

This particular study is stretching me (goodness, it can be tough), but I love how we're all enjoying learning so much.

I'm also thankful for my brother, John Patrick!

Eric has been traveling so much. With all the things we've had going on lately (teacher's meetings, gymnastics, dr. appointments, etc.) I have had to rely on him to help me out with pick ups, etc. He has been great about it and has helped me with tremendous burdens lately. (Is it sick that I am thankful he hasn't found a full-time job since graduation? Don't answer that. I'm pretty sure he isn't thankful for that one :)

I Got an A!!!

Did you know that Krispy Kreme gives one doughnut for every A your child earns??

Report cards came home last week and E couldn't wait to get there. She got to pick out 6 doughnuts of any kind she wanted. I'm so happy she picked out one of these ...

I helped with the A's right? I sit through the homework and monitor all the projects. Surely this tired Mama deserves some chocolate icing with sprinkles. Right?

I'm so certain E agrees with me I had to sneak and eat it in the laundry room.

We'll see if she notices :)

Pumpkin Patch (in December??)

In the midst of the Tummy Disaster '09 last week, O went with her class to the pumpkin patch. I had taken off work the previous week to go to the zoo with E's class, so I couldn't go on this one. O didn't mind .... because my Mom went with her instead.

And, I KNOW it was the highlight of my Mom's day.

Except it wasn't.

Apparently, my Mom didn't enjoy the muddy corn mazes as much as the children. ????

Also, my dad showed up for approximately 2 minutes - enough time to hug O and tell her to have a great day and then left. That short amount of time awarded him the 'BEST PAPA EVER' (O's words) when all my Mom got was muddy pants ;)

But, isn't that motherhood ??? (love you, Mom!)

Anyway, O had a great time with her friends and Mom took some pictures for me. What cracks me up is Mom doesn't know to change the date on her camera. Years from now, I will wonder why O was visiting a pumpkin patch in December. ha!

When you come home, you better not be married

O hasn't felt well for several days now with her tummy and last night we ended up at the Emergency Room. Really we just went to check out the flu-infested lobby because we were never able to see a doctor. I was told after two hours, it would be several more hours before we would be taken back to a room. So we left. O was falling asleep at the time and seemed to be calmed down. I think the worst thing about being a Mommy is not knowing when it's an emergency.

We did try to take her to Urgent Care beforehand (she had been screaming for an hour at home with pain) but were sent immediately to the ER since she was complaining of abdominal pain and would more than likely need an xray. I'm trying to be nice about it, but the truth is I wasn't nice at Urgent Care. It was 10 minutes to closing time and I don't think they wanted to see my baby. I don't usually lose it over things like that, but the women there were really rude. So, my Mama claws came out and .... well .... enough said.

This morning, O is still feeling poorly so I'm waiting on the doctor's office to open.

Good times.

If we haven't had the flu yet, it's possible we'll have it by the end of the day from all the waiting rooms. Please Lord, don't let it be so.

You know O feels bad when she doesn't care about missing school and get this .... doesn't want anything to do with trick-or-treating tomorrow night because she DOESN'T WANT to get any candy. O is the candy queen and her world usually revolves completely around who is going to give her some. Bless her heart.

She is missing her first Reformation Day celebration at school today (the children dress as biblical characters, play games and attend chapel that dramatizes the event). She doesn't care, but E was so sad O was not going to get to dress up this morning. Her sadness lasted only until she was able to get into her own costume.

And, now announcing QUEEN ESTHER ....

Complete with glitter, jewelry and a crown (Queen Esther wore glitter, right?) Oh, and make up! She asked me a dozen times for 'just a little more lipstick, Mama'.

While finishing her hair she said, "Wait until S sees me!!" (boy at school). Jokingly I said, "Just don't come home married" to which she replied, "Well, he is coming dressed as a king!!" ha!

(costume credits: Mawmaw (my Mom) for the dress. E saw it at Cracker Barrel and fell in love. Grandmothers are great for things like that. $4.50 crown from Me because I'm cheaper than Mawmaw :) Thanks, Mom! She was so excited this morning about this dress! Hey, here's an idea - you can buy the wedding dress and I'll by the veil! - years from now, that is.)

A Mommy Day

I woke this morning with a to-do list a mile long. I was a little grumpy, but quite frankly I am always a little grumpy in the morning. I am just not a morning person! In fact, I'm allergic. Why does this shock my family after all these years? Especially Eric. Just last night he said to me, "You know, if you would get up just ten minutes earlier I could spend more time with you in the mornings". At first, I was speechless and then I mustered up the courage to say, "Ummm ... I'm choosing sleep". We both cracked up and then I asked him why on earth he would want ten extra minutes with me in the mornings when I'm clearly not a morning person. He agreed and then the conversation took a turn for the worst when he began imitating me in the mornings. It wasn't pretty.

Okay, I'm getting off track ....

I was anxious to drop the girls off at school and go running. I'm slowly making progess and couldn't wait to get there. Afterwards, I was going to shower and run errands that included finding finishing touches for costumes (2 for each girl because of trick or treating and Reformation Day - we are crazy!) and going to the grocery store. None of that happened because once we were in the school parking lot, O started crying with a very bad tummy ache. Bless her heart. She just couldn't go to school. She was crying even more because she couldn't, but I had no choice but to bring her home. She finally told me she needed a Mommy day.

Great! I love Mommy days!

We have spent most of the day hanging out and playing. She gets a burst of energy and then has to lie down for a bit. I'm trying not to worry about all I need to get done and enjoy the day with her. And, I really have enjoyed it! She is a hoot.

Just a few minutes ago, I was straightening her closet and she walked in with her hands on her hips. She said, "Check out this body. Satan doesn't make beauty like this".
May I remind you she is 4?

She cracks me up. She then looked at the pile of new clothes (actually E's hand-me-downs) I was hanging in her closet. When E was four, she had a love for all-things-ballerina and several outfits have cute ballerinas stitched on them. O took a look, turned up her nose and said, "You know I am never wearing this stuff".

You know, I believe her. I really do.

Daily Peek: Sunday School

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God

and his righteousness and all these

things will be added unto you."

Matthew 6:33

I have the privilege of expounding on this verse this morning to high school girls. It has come to mean so much more to me over the past few months.

Things aren't really things at all. Right now, things are comfort, peace, trust, wholeness, relationship, communion with God, joy and contentment.

But, I have to pursue such things. I have to chase after my Savior in a way that says, "Nothing or no one else will even come close to fulfilling me!"

Can't wait to share.

Mountains

We just returned home from our quick overnight trip to the mountains. Eric's parents bought a small house there last January and have spent the summer restoring it. It sits at the base of a mountain and is surrounded on three sides by beautiful trees. The front yard has a river running through it. It's a peaceful place to visit.

Once you get there.

Just before we left home yesterday, I started feeling really nauseous. I said clearly that I didn't want to go and I didn't feel well at all. Clearly. More proof of the fact I could be invisible because within minutes we were in the van traveling in the pouring rain to the mountains .... which includes 50 minutes of non.stop sharp curves. I thought Eric was trying to kill me.

I spent the entire drive with my head between my knees and staring at the floor board. All while crying and telling Eric I was breaking up with him.

Once we arrived at his parents' house, I made my way to the sofa and spent the next 5 hours there trying to keep the room from spinning. I got up only to make my way upstairs to bed.

Thank heaven I woke this morning to beautiful weather, feeling much better and deciding I wouldn't break up with Eric after all. (Al though he better never make me do that again! - yuck!)

I came downstairs to find E having her quiet time .... outside ..... in her robe and pajamas.


She wanted to sketch a picture of God's beautiful creation. And, it was a beautiful scene this morning!

O wanted to copy her sister and could NOT understand why E wanted time alone.


Why? Because E + O = NO quiet time at all. (Look closely at this picture ... does your quiet time include Strawberry Shortcake? Because O's does :)

O ran full blast the entire time we were there. I don't even think she stopped talking. In fact, I know she didn't because I slept beside her last night and she even talked in her sleep. She is a bundle of energy.We had a great time. I love the mountains so much and always wish we could stay longer.


See .... we're back together :)

This post wasn't meant to be so random

Whew! What a week!

Today is my day off, but what's even more exciting is my kids have the day off as well since it's a teacher workday. Because he doesn't like to be left out, Eric took the day off from work too. Yippee!

So, we're heading to the mountains for the night even though it's suppose to be raining. We just want to go to wind down from a very emotional and physically exhausting week.

We couldn't leave town until the girls went to a birthday party this morning for one of E's friends. Why rush to the mountains when you can spend 2 hours playing on a giant inflatable backyard obstacle course?

This is the same friend that wrote her a love note this week. They are both in the 2nd grade. For the love.

I was talking to his parents' yesterday and because we know how much they like each other (as friends - they've been in class together for 4 years!), I reminded his father as they grow older, E will not be allowed to date. We're not dating in our home .... just courting. (Yes, there is a huge difference). Anyway, they have the same rules in their home which I think is so refreshing to hear. I talk about this topic so much at church and most of the girls think I'm insane. So to hear there are more families setting the same boundaries pleases me so much. So much.

How did I get off on this subject?

Moving on ...

Yesterday, O and I skipped school and went on a field trip with E's class to the zoo.

We walked what seemed like 462 miles, but the girls had a blast. O was a big hit with all of E's friends. I'm not even sure she had to walk that much because she had a lot of 2nd grade fans carrying her most of the time.

Isn't she beautiful?

Okay, we're heading out the door to .... ummmm .... rest.

If you're reading this (somewhat boring) post and you are prompted to do so this weekend, please remember my family in your prayers. We're going through some heavy things right now (each of us in my immediate family - among other things, my parents are traveling now to Tennessee to be with my uncle who suffered a stroke this morning). God is the ultimate Comfort and Healer! We know this and want to rest in that promise over the next few days and weeks.

Have a great weekend!

He Keeps Me

(This post was written yesterday, but in my exhaustion, I forgot to click 'publish post'.)

I was lying in bed at 5:30 this morning and realized quickly I was already in a foul mood. We'd had a really busy weekend and heading into a busy week and I hadn't been awake 60 seconds before I was bitter. Resentful. Mad, even.

I was beginning to feel anxious about all I had to do today and Eric was zipping his suitcase for a short trip out of state. Among many other obligations, the girls had soccer games at the same time I had bible study. With Eric out of town, I would have to rely on my in-laws and I was already stressed.

I decided right away to pray before my feet touched the floor. I prayed the Holy Spirit would fill every part of me and change my attitude ... and quickly. I spoke Scripture and asked God to take away any anxiety I had, knowing full-well who it was coming from. The enemy is crafty, is he not?

Eric came over to the bed and right away knew I was already struggling. He covered me and prayed over me as well and afterward, I felt encouraged. I was ready to get up.

In the shower, I noticed something peculiar on my left side. What is that? Has it always been there? Should I be concerned?

Almost immediately, I said OUT LOUD "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind".

Fear. What are you trying to do to me today? It wasn't even 6:00 am yet.

I started getting dressed and was reminded of 'the strange place' again. I felt again and shrugged it off ... this time talking out loud to the Lord, "God will perfect all that concerns me".

No fear.

After finishing my hair and make up, I was surprised to think of it again and this time called Eric into the bathroom with me. I calmly explained what I felt and he looked too. He said, "There is something there, but I'm not sure what to make of it."

Fear. Overwhelming fear. And, now tears.

I told Eric I felt like I was in the middle of an all-out spiritual attack this morning and satan is trying to relentlessly tempt me. Distract me.

For the record, I'm not one to talk about the enemy. I just don't like it. I'm too much of a wreck in the first place without forcing myself to think of what evil is meant towards me every hour. It just isn't common for me to acknowledge him in my life and how he works. I believe too much credit is given to him and he doesn't need that much of my vocabulary.

However, he is real and there have been a few times in my life that I shutter to remember when I realized how much attack was meant to harm me and to stop me.

Of course, I know the end of the story (and he does, too) and it includes him being defeated each and every time by the King of Kings. My sweet Savior is careful and purposeful in fighting for me in every battle waged against me.

So, today when I often had thoughts of quitting the whole day, staying under the covers and finding a replacement for bible study, I instead prayed 2 Corinthians 10:4:5 all day long "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds. Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ". I asked Jesus continually to help me to walk with Him each moment of the day without fail because the enemy was no doubt seeking to destroy me with any hint of distraction.

God is faithful!

As a result, and to God be the glory, I am crawling into bed completely worn out but thankful God saw fit to carry me through my day. My girls are tucked safely into bed after having a great time with their grandparents. I just came from bible study where we were able to open God's Word and talk about our victorious Lord who defeats the enemy every.single.day on our behalf (praise you, Father!). And, I am going to sleep now without any fear - knowing I am fine. You know why? My Savior is staying up and he'll keep me while I rest.